I find myself absolutely and completely demotivated as of yesterday. In one of my worse hermit modes too. Don’t want to see people, don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t want to shower and get dressed, don’t want to leave my cave.
Such a stark contrast with the day before yesterday (and the previous two weeks). And while this time around the reason is a no brainer, I have had to deal with this annoying mood switching all my life.
It would seem like I only have to modes, super excited or super indifferent/hermit.
My base line mood has always been indifferent. A flat line. Go through the motions. Smile. Be nice to others. Do what you have to do (but do it well).
OK, that is not entirely true. I’m sure it was not always like that. I remember being a happy little girl. but ever since that damned, blasted, life-changing event back when I was 6 my mood became very flat.
Sure, there are times -especially when I get a new project, when I am super excited. I want to do things. I feel like going out. I would even almost dare to call it hypomania. Except that, no matter how excited I am, I always need more-than-normal amounts of sleep. hyperthymia, perhaps? Whatever. This mood doesn’t last long and it doesn’t happen very often.
And then, there’s the times when not only my mood is flat but I become completely disinterested in the world. I hate human contact. I hate noise. I hate chattering. I hate sunlight. I can’t even listen to music. Music! I know I am in trouble when I don’t want to listen to music. Or when I don’t want to dance.
Oy With The Poodles Already!
I don’t want to feel this way.
Footnotes
* My daughter and I are big fans of The Gilmore Girls and very often will quote them on our every day conversations
Update (15-08-13): Since posts on Canvas are scheduled, what I refer to as yesterday in my first paragraph was actually Sunday. As of today (Thursday) my mood hasn’t improved much but I did have a very uncharacteristic -for me, bout of anger yesterday . Holy cow. I was kind of scared of such anger. It’s resolved and gone now so the flat line is back. Sigh
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A Canvas Of The Minds 
ditto that
Unbelievable! You have just described my days and nights to a T! Oh and by the way I do have 2 poodles for real, LMAO!
hahahaha Nice! So, you can truly say “Oy the poodles already!” 😉
My little sister had a poodle. She insisted and insisted until she got it. And of course, I ended up having to take care of the poor thing. Very affectionate but also very annoying. Or perhaps it was my fault. I was only 17, we had no mother and I had no idea about how to train a dog. Anyway, he was cute as a button and love to go for rides with me in the basket of my scooter 🙂
So annoying, right? 😦
I completely feel you on the mood changes. I don’t know how my loved ones tolerate it. But, on a happy note, I absolutely adore Gilmore Girls. I’d be lying if I said that the title of the post didn’t make me biased! I hope things improve for you and best wishes!
Gilmore Girls rock! My daughter and I used to break up in song randomly “WERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW…” 🙂
All the best to you as well! HUG
*sends love and prayers*
Thank you! Much appreciated 🙂
I often think my baseline is mild anxiety/depression, but then triggers come along and make that overwhelming. But then I have really good periods where I start to think my baseline is basically happy, so I just can’t figure it out. Annoying, isn’t it?
Wouldn’t it be grand if we could REMEMBER the happy baseline periods when we’re in flatline? But I can’t. If I’m flatlined, as far as I can see I’ve always been that way. Meh.
Oh, that would be really grand, yes! I can’t either. Yeah. Meh.
Very much so. I annoy myself all the time too. When I realize what’s happening and yet I am not strong enough to change it. UGH.
But such is life, I guess 🙂
((HUGS))
Oh, thank you! Hugs are so very good for the soul! 🙂
HUGS back to you!
I hear you too. Need for lots of sleep is a huge symptom of mine as well as blahness. And when I do get excited – it needs to be NOW.
But, right now, nothing is NOW.
it’s all blah
Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I can relate to it, as you know.
Here’s to better times for both of us! 🙂
Yes Claudia. Here’s to better times!
Have found myself kind of stuck lately. Frozen in a way, lacking motivation for life, work, people. It is hard and I push myself each day to slowly rise to some sense of what I consider to be a ‘norm’ for me.
Oh … and whilst we found some common ground on Blade Runner … we will remain divide on the Gilmore Girls 😉
HAHAHAHAHA
It’s ok. Gilmore Girls is a mother-daughter thing. You don’t have to worry about losing your street credit, or your man card or whatever is it that you guys call it 😉
You’re going through some difficult times. It is understandable. However, that doesn’t make it any easier, I know. Sigh.
I guess the only thing we can do is to keep trying. Good thing we are there for each other, all of us! 🙂
🙂
Oh, almost forgot! HUG