From where I was seated, it seemed that no one cried at my father’s funeral. It seemed to me that it was stoicism all the way. Most of them were pretty good at it. My 12-year-old nephew was looking a bit shaky for a while, parents wondering whether he would ‘make it’ to be part of the party to walk the casket it out. And I can tell you that I was definitely shaky. I was all but crying, but everyone was so stone-faced that I was determined that I wouldn’t ‘fall apart’. Continue reading
There’s a moment in our lives, for all of us, when we realise that our parents have grown old, and after a lifetime of looking to them, now they are looking to us. A lifetime of you being their ‘child’, now in some ways, that is reversed. The only way you avoid this is if you completely cut off all contact with them some time before. Otherwise it’s a stage of our lives that is impossible to ignore. It is a time that can have enormous effect on both our mental health and theirs. Everything has changed. Now you realise that you’re finally ‘grown up’. Continue reading
I wish that I could have posted earlier to speak with all you and keep updated…
But here I am.
After seven years of living abroad and three of those being very sick, I have returned to England to see how it goes here starting afresh again. I have been back for just over a week. Continue reading
Health problems and the fear of dying caused anxiety and triggered my depression …
I remember sitting in a car outside a Medical Clinic, scared beyond any other memory, as I opened a letter to hear if the scan had found a brain tumor.
I remember one year later (my wife 7 months pregnant with our third) being told to lay still on the hospital bed as the nurse tore off the ECG printout and ran to the hallway calling, “He’s having a heart attack!” Continue reading
So here I am, I’ve been back in the hospital for just under two weeks.
The BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), depression, insomnia and anxiety is extremely venemous. I can’t start to explain the turmoil I am going through. The constant death wishes, then the wanting to live moments. I am all over the place. Continue reading
Nearly two years ago, I had a mental breakdown. I struggled for 8 months going to therapy and trying several different medications before things became too serious and unbearable and so I went in to hospital. During these 8 months prior to hospitalisation, things snowballed out of control. I was self-harming and committing self-destructive acts and generally toiling with my own life. It was probably only a matter of time until something serious would have happened to me so I am thankful to my psychologist and to myself, that we could see that I couldn’t continue on and we needed something to change big time. Continue reading