New place, new luck

Hello everyone,

I wish that I could have posted earlier to speak with all you and keep updated…

But here I am.

After seven years of living abroad and three of those being very sick, I have returned to England to see how it goes here starting afresh again. I have been back for just over a week.

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The struggle

Hi everyone,

I haven’t posted in a long time and my last post was extremely positive. Unfortunately I have truly crashed since then.

I have treatment resistant depression, BPD, AvPD and OCD. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll add any more diagnoses to my list.

There is hope

I just wanted to say a few things about hope and the road to recovery.

All of your hard work and patience will pay off eventually. I’m not saying that it is easy but as long as you have at least in the back of your mind that you really want to get better, then you will.

There are days when you will think there is no hope, I am hopeless and helpless but ever so gradually you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Like I say, it just takes time and determination.

Back in hospital

* Talk of self-harm and suicide *

So here I am, I’ve been back in the hospital for just under two weeks.

The BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), depression, insomnia and anxiety is extremely venemous. I can’t start to explain the turmoil I am going through. The constant death wishes, then the wanting to live moments. I am all over the place.

Does anyone have the answer?

I was messing around on Photoshop and made a little something. I did it quite a while ago but thought that I would share it here. I was wondering if anyone has the answer for me?

Flaked

Like a leaf that’s been blown,

I’m all alone.

Drifting in the wind,

Have lost all hope.

Rehabilitation after hospitalisation

Nearly two years ago, I had a mental breakdown. I struggled for 8 months going to therapy and trying several different medications before things became too serious and unbearable and so I went in to hospital. During these 8 months prior to hospitalisation, things snowballed out of control. I was self-harming and committing self-destructive acts and generally toiling with my own life. It was probably only a matter of time until something serious would have happened to me so I am thankful to my psychologist and to myself, that we could see that I couldn’t continue on and we needed something to change big time.