I am a Human Being

I am just a human being.  I make mistakes like every other human being, and like any other human being, I’m capable of great things.

I’m as perfect and as flawed as any regular human being.

No, scratch that. I am more flawed that your regular human being.

Sure, I have a big heart and I can even be sweet at times.

But I deal with several medical conditions that alter my -otherwise pleasant, baseline mood.

I deal with a lot of pain. Both physical pain and pain of the soul.

I know that it’s not your fault -fellow human being, I’m having a bad day. That’s why I try really hard to not make you pay for it.

I try to be as nice, understanding and tolerant as I can. I normally succeed.

But some days, my pain will make me grumpy and I won’t be able to behave as usual. On some of those days, I may snap at you because you made a mistake, or because I misunderstood what you said. That is not your fault, of course. I do realize that. I don’t mean to be mean to you. Sometimes I just can’t help it.

Some days I’ll forget I was supposed to do something or write something and as a result, you will be affected. I don’t do it on purpose, just because I like to make your life harder than it already is.

Thus is the reality of someone who lives with mental illness and/or fibromyalgia.  I don’t wake up thinking, hmmm what I can do today to make your life miserable. I just can’t help it.

Yes, I do try hard to avoid those situations. But sometimes something you say, or a picture you post, will trigger my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and something bad will happen. Or some other days, my ADD will interfere with that important message I needed to send and something won’t get done. It will frustrate you to no end. Again, I don’t do it on purpose.

I set reminders. I set alarms. I write things down. And yet, some days, it all will be futile.

Some days I won’t be able to get out of bed and I’ll miss that important meeting. Or that coffee date I was so looking forward to attend.

Some days you’ll feel I let you down. Some days you’ll hate me. Some days you will wish you didn’t have to work with this unreliable person. Or this grumpy person. This person who seems so bent on ruining your life.

I don’t mean to be this way. I don’t want to be this way. Do you really think I enjoy making your life hard? I don’t.

I know that some of you won’t care about my problems. I know some of you will still think it is not your problem and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. That’s OK.  You’re entitled to your opinion.

But I do apologize both retroactively and in advance for whatever way my problems affect – or have affected, you.

I’m just a human being, trying to navigate through life the best I can with this hand Life has dealt me.

Ego Dixi

© Summer Solstice Girl and A Canvas Of The Minds 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Summer Solstice Girl and A Canvas Of The Minds with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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