I haven’t been this angry in years. I used to be very angry all throughout childhood, teen years and most of my 20’s.
I’m angry at life. I’m angry at being in constant pain. I’m angry at my parents for conceiving me. But most of all, I’m angry at the doctors for keeping me alive when it would have been so easy just not to try so hard. When I was born, I was in such bad shape, the chief paediatrician at the hospital advised my mother not to get too attached to me because most likely I was not going to make it.
Ah, how easy, how sweet! Years of pain and suffering avoided. The blissful nothingness. The cold sleep of the non-living
What a cruel joke, to keep me alive, just so I could suffer for the rest of my life. Even my class mates in medical school used to joke about me being a walking Internal Medicine textbook.
It is really ridiculous how many things are wrong with my body. How many system are constantly malfunctioning.
This is not about self-pity. This is not about “why me”. This is about raw anger because no human body should be this broken. Not because it’s mine. No body (and nobody) should be forced to live, when living is this difficult.
And thus, I’m angry.
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