This post was inspired by, and is dedicated to, my very dear friend Ruby. She has been facing some severe difficulties recently, as described in her post I Am Disabled. But she isn’t the only Canvas blogger having a very rough time lately. Lulu, James Claims, and Manic Monday have all hit their own major bumps and dips in life lately, which you can read in their own words, on their own blogs (respectively, As the Pendulum Swings, James Claims, and Manic Monday).
But in any case, the title of the post comes from a quote, a song lyric Ruby posted on her Facebook page: “And I’m not the girl that I intend to be, But I dare you, darlin’, just you wait and see.” ~ Sara Bareilles
I love this quote so much, because I don’t happen to be “the girl that I intend to be,” either. The life I lead now is one that I appreciate and enjoy, but it isn’t all I aspire to do. I do the best I can in life with what and where I am now. So in that sense, I am every bit that girl.
But I want so much more for myself. Like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want to live in Rome for a month or five years. I want to see the Pyramids in Egypt and the ruins in Athens and Carnival in Rio, to start. And I want to detail on paper ever moment of it all. Do I want a family? Maybe. But it isn’t something I want to plan my life around. And traveling by camel is difficult with an infant, I imagine.
This post is turning almost silly, I think I should have stopped writing two paragraphs ago. Because another great quote is, “To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.” ~ Anonymous
The quotes are not exact analogues. And there is little to “waste” when you are in the very intense stages of a mixed manic-depressive experience (back to Ruby, where I started). Yes, getting through it shows your strength, but you are hardly in a place to stop and appreciate that fact at the time.
So take both quotes, place in a brown paper bag with some seasoning, and shake vigorously. Now tell me in the comments what you came up with.
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A Canvas Of The Minds 
This is for Ruby and everyone who loves her!
Through hardship I’ve learned to be strong. I can only be me. My back will bend but not break. It is made of sterner stuff. My strength lies deep in my mind. It is untouchable. My caring lies deep in my soul, it is invincible. My ability to laugh and smile during tough times is inconceivable to many but to me it’s the easiest gift to offer. My arms hold warmth. They are soft but have strength in their ability to enfold. My chest is for your weary head. It will soothe you while you cry. My tears are crystal. They shatter when they roll down my face and hit my smile. My words are pure. They come from my heart. I have survived to share this smile with you.
Ruby, everyday is better because you are here. This blog is truly a special place.
Suzie Ivy, the Universe brought us together for a reason. That (what you wrote) is beautiful and truly inspiring. Original Suzie (I need to know how to credit my quotes)? It sounds like you, not trite enough to be something passed around – although if it is I still love it.
I’ll make it through. I’ll make it through because people like you and Always and my fellow bloggers and the people I know face-to-face or phone-to-phone are counting on me to. And while the beautiful, inspiring words see me through the day, the people who count on me and expect I will get back up on my feet and press on – always – see me through the episode and the illness (there’s that word again).
Thank you for this.
Thanks, Always. It was a valiant effort. And I got the message, I think.
P.S. I know you feel otherwise, but you are permitted to get muddled occasionally, just like everyone else. 🙂
Nonsense! I must be perfect every second of every day! 😉
This is a lovely post, Always. Sometimes I find myself full of regret for things I did, things I didn’t do, things I couldn’t do be cause of my illness. It’s at these times that I try to focus on something a friend said to me once: If you like who you are today, then you can’t regret what you did to get here.
Thank you so much for the compliment. I agree with what your friend said, I actually just posted words to that effect in this month’s topic. I’m glad that you can think about that when the regret enfolds you, and I hope that they can bring you out of it. 🙂